a mountain

mixed. i dunno whether to be happy or sad.

i returned to the arms of my loved ones last friday, feeling the warmth and togetherness, especially a dinner right after bookout at IKEA. it s always IKEA. i sat at the dining table, sometimes feeling like as if there s so much to say but in the end realising there s nothing to say.

after pondering on it for some time, i think i know what i wanted to say, now that i m typing this not from home. here it goes: i just wanna say i love all of them and am very grateful for everything they have done for me, being always there for me. even though every week i go home to be a nuisance to everyone (hahaha) the activities and events will always be build with respect to my schedule. today, i walk up the stairs, look down the corridor and feel this sense of emptiness. it s so quiet and eerie, with the occasional rain drop, the cool breeze blowing. i am reminded who are the ones that are ranked number 1 in my heart and it is in these times that they come to my mind first.

i slacked for the whole saturday, parking in front of the tv to watch the YOG and then decided to go for a swim. my dad offered to sent me to safra just as i was getting ready to take public transport. this is the time when the sound effect comes in : awwwwww.......

haha, but seriously, i m thankful for such great parents. my dad who drops all his work to send me back to camp and my mum who ll always prepare my book in stuff before anything else if i need and to my sisters who just irritate me all day long, asking me to spend money on them. yea i will, eventually, just not unnecessary money.

i feel sorry, and upset with myself. for not studying hard enough for the test today even though i spent the whole sunday on it, and for not really understanding my friends, exactly how they feel or what they are thinking. i simply assumed everyone s busy with their lives and we should just take a break. but when in fact, i have friends who are dying of boredom and loneliness, to revive that sense of belonging once more, to bring back the good old times. i am grateful for such friends. you know who you are. i ll make things happen, dun worry.

maybe life aint that bad afterall. sometimes, you just gotta push yourself harder, for the sake of a better tomorrow.