ranting evaluation

i have so much on my mind now, it feels like it's gonna explode.

i don't want this post to be a one to seek sympathy, or attract consolations or even encouragement.

i want this post to be a benchmark, a reminder, an unpleasant souvenir, of the tightest time frames i have faced and the lessons i have learnt.

i am a strong believer of the idea that in this world, ultimately you are on your own.

people can stick around, say hi, then bye, or pretend to be around, or don't even bother to pretend, say something, but do nothing.

i have learnt that i can depend on no one. no one. when it comes to work.

the trust i've invested, have been betrayed time and time again. at the end of the day, i will always be the one cleaning up the mess, because nobody else bothers.

my entirely life, i've been taught to be humble, and i'd like to believe i have been modest. i have humility.

but after all these years, being the quiet, shy, nice guy, i have come to realise that the values i embrace tightly and display unconsciously are just two - respect and being considerate.

there were times when pranks were played, jokes were cracked but deep in my heart, there's still respect.

these are values which i believe, as a civilised person, you should have.

but no, it's not the case.

i am thoroughly disappointed with the people i've met thus far. not all, but enough for me to conclude that these are people who haven't got the right mentality and values to be good citizens.and perhaps, it is true, i am at a dumping ground, to put it bluntly.

i have become even more appreciative of the genuine friends i have made throughout the teenage years.

i have identified none, that is, zero true friends thus far.

i can't foresee myself going on exchange with any of these people, and having a great time.

i don't think i can ever find fyp mates that are on the same wavelength, decent work ethic, and task oriented. i have not met anyone normal. the type of people who i have been so used to. the good, the genuine, the true friend.

no one cares. there is no respect. no one is considerate. there is no quality. there is no maturity.

i am on my own.

i gave up squatting because it was never comfortable.

i look forward to driving to school at eight thirty every morning and have my own productive time while the world's still asleep. attending my lessons, vanish from school, back to the comfort of my family.

i've enjoyed it, yet there are times when i stare into space and wonder, is this going to be my uni life? the final phase of education. is it going to fly by just like this?

one academic year concludes soon. time flew by so damn fast, it's unbelievable. what's four years then?

i need to pull through these few weeks.

then i will sit down, evaluate and see what needs to be done, or rather, be added with a full stop.